sharing

I have been without my computer for 13 days. And while I malign my computer almost constantly, I am beginning to get a little panicky without it. I am also getting mightily sick of having to share computer time with other people at work and at home.

I don't want to share.

Reading that last sentence makes me laugh and cringe at the same time. I say, "You need to share," about a dozen times a day as one twin grapples with his brother over the object of affection. And about 24 times a day I hear, "I don't want to share!"

Having to share computer time has brought home the reality that my twins live with daily: sharing sucks. Sharing not only requires kindness, trust, and a generous spirit, it also requires patience. While I believe myself fairly kind, and rather generous, I am not patient.

I hate waiting.

I hate waiting and I hate feeling like someone is waiting on me. I get anxious when I feel as though I am impinging on another person's time (I know how much I resent it when someone is impinging on mine).

Consequently, I am always surprised, when people respond graciously when I'm late or pushing a deadline. This unexpected graciousness reminds me that sharing means more taking turns. Sharing is about giving yourself: accepting inconvenience, sacrificing expedience, and living grace.

As much as I want my kids to take turns, I want them to know and to live and to walk in grace even more. Which is all the more reason for me to seize the opportunity provided by my sick computer. If I can learn how to really share, there may be hope for the twins.