Time

Consider the thousands of miles of earth beneath your feet; think of the limitless expanse of space above your head. Walk in awe, wonder and humility. ----Wilfred A. Peterson

This is my new goal: to be fully present where ever I am so that I can walk in awe, wonder and humility.

I just returned from CREDO, and my time there brought into sharp focus the “business” that consumes me. CREDO is a conference sponsored by the Church Pension Fund that invites groups of clergy or groups of lay persons to focus on vocation, health and lifestyle. (As it happens, church work can lead to burnout, discouragement and depression. Who knew?!?!)

In recent months, I have noticed my energy flagging. I have experienced myself moving from one task to the next, from one conversation to the next, without full awareness of being in those moments. Time for reflection and wonder has become like a luxury I cannot afford.

I knew all this before I attended CREDO. And a lot of it can be attributed to trying to balance work, marriage, 4 kids, a dog, a geriatric cat, a spiritual life......

Still, the eight days of prayer, worship and group reflection were helpful reminders of who I am and why I’m a priest. The irony of my life and work did not fully sink in until my return. How can a priest be aware of the presence of God and call others to that awareness if s/he is not mentally, emotionally and spiritually present? How can church leaders expect people to take Sabbath seriously, if we don’t take it seriously ourselves?

CREDO reminded me that God created a Sabbath, on purpose. The Sabbath was not just a left over day that God wanted to fill and ran out of ideas. God created Sabbath time. Sabbath time reminds us of the sacredness of all time. Without it, we risk losing track of and appreciation for the time we have.
This I also knew. But faithfulness is not just about what we know; it is about how we live.

Early in my ministry, I had a spiritual director who always found ways of bringing up a certain monk to address whatever spiritual difficulty I was having. For this particular monk, all of life was a holy. My inability to remember the monk’s name testifies to how present I was during these stories. I do remember, however, that for this monk, God was always present: when he was washing dishes; when he was sweeping the floor; when he was peeling potatoes.

For Brother “What’s-his-name”, there was no divide between the sacred and the profane. Every moment was sacred and deserving of our full attention. He believed that when we recognize the holiness of every moment, then every action has the potential to be prayer.

Since the coming of my twins, I have entered the daily fray of my life wanting only to make it to the end of said day (mostly) alive, with my sanity (somewhat) intact. I have ended nearly every day bemoaning my lack of time: no time to spend with each kid, no time to pray, no time to exercise. I now remember that the time I have is what I make it.

These days, I am trying to keep my spiritual antennae up and appreciate the blessings in each moment. I am also trying to focus less on what I’ve accomplished and more on who I’ve encountered.

Lastly, I am trying to observe Sabbath time (and am gaining greater respect for every Jew I know who faithfully observes the Sabbath). It is so hard; and it is even hard to shake the feeling that I should be doing something. I have to remind myself that when I take sabbath time, I am doing something: I am making space for grace and space for God. Time is not about how much activity can be packed into a week. Time is about noticing that there is grace all around. And when we notice all of that grace, it is much easier to “walk in awe, wonder and humility”.