Progress?

Sometimes I feel like I'm moving through molasses. I was warned that I would reach this molasses syndrome when I was in seminary: the church changes slowly. In my naivete, I thought that it would take years to change the church; after 14 years of ordained ministry it is just now dawning on me that it might mean generations or eons.

The principles of Church seem pretty basic: form a community of faithful encouragement; pray; break bread together; feed the hungry; bind the broken; seek merciful justice; let every one do what they are good at; love and forgive one another. Is this so hard?

Well, yes; it is hard. It is hard for me. I claimed my discipleship 20 years ago and on my best day, I'm a mediocre disciple. I am exceptionally proficient at the breaking bread part; eating may be my real spiritual gift.

When it comes to the other stuff, however, my skills are more feeble. My love for humanity is often overshadowed by my annoyance with people. I get sucked into pettiness, immobilized by stubbornness, and blinded by my righteousness (at least it feels righteous at the time). I am usually convinced that if everyone would just move out of my way and do things MY WAY, we'd all be better off. Love and forgiveness don't thrive in such vitriol.

All in all, I'm still a sinner. Still, the last twenty years have changed me spiritully (hopefully for the better). At least now I know when I've gone off the rails. At least now I know how to ask for forgiveness and, in time, that action may make me more forgiving. But as far as making progress goes, I haven't made it very far down the road. Optimistically, the equation is probably like 20 years = .10 miles.

Progress in my spiritual life is slow; progress in the church is also slow. Thankfully, progress in the Church is not simply predicated on my progress or the progress in the other people around; with God's grace the body can be much more functional than any of us are individually. But maybe it is our reluctance to open our hearts and minds to change that keeps applying the breaks, and slowing our individual and communal development. Discipleship is just slow, hard going.

Still, following Jesus means being willing to put one foot in front of the other; staying on the journey may be enough. In the words of the Apostle Paul "we press on!" In the words of Walt Disney, "we keep moving forward!" And never mind the molasses.